So I Ran Over a Guy…So What?

Let me start with,

What had happened was…

BACKSTORY:
I sat in the car rider line, the endless one–maybe you know it too.

Bing!

I looked up at my dash and I saw something I’d never seen before. “That’s new.” I picked up my phone and called Hubby. “Hey, there’s a light on in my van.”

“Which one?”

Good question. “It looks like a toothbrush floating in the ocean.” Oh yeah. Good imagery. For sure.

“Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

And then I forgot, because I did what I was suppose to do. I informed the MAN of MANLY things and went back to my book.

FLASHFORWARD 2 WEEKS
I left Myles’s school and was on my way to get gas and head to the church to work.

Bing!

Crap.

I picked up the phone and called Hubby. “The toothbrush is floating in the ocean again.”

A big fat ugly sigh. “That’s not good.”

Profound.

“What do I do?”

“You can’t drive the van. You’ll blow it up!”

Ok, so we had a tad bit of an argument. I was rather unkind. Whatever, that ain’t the point. Point is…

“You have to go to Pennzoil and tell them to change your oil and check your radiator. Don’t let them do ANYTHING else.”

I hang up. Doubt I said bye.

I pulled up at the local oil place and waited for them to open.

The man behind the counter rolled his tongue to the side of his mouth to pack his chew tighter in order to speak clearly to me. Oh, dear God.

“Can I help you, Ma’am?” Ma’am? He’s older than me, for the love!

“I need an oil change and my radiator checked. That’s all.”

“Pull into Bay 2.”

Piece of cake.

The other guy sportin his do-rag and tattooed sleeves winked and signaled me forward on those ramp things. I pulled up, he motioned me closer.

My van stalled. I mean dang, it was going up hill…sort of. I gunned it.

And I drove into him.  Yes, yes I did.

It was just a tap. No one got hurt. It gently pushed him back a step. One step! He even smiled, after his clouded eyes cleared. I stuck my head out the window.

“Sorry, I never do this.”

“Run over people or get your oil changed?” He chuckled.

“Get my oil changed,”I teased, thankful he wasn’t going to sue me for bumping him.

He laughed and said, “Well, I might just give you a discount since you have a pretty face.”
I looked down. No ring today. Crap.

“My husband will appreciate that.”

He smiled. “Always the married ones. We never get any single women in here.”

I find that hard to believe. Most married women have husbands who aren’t in Nashville for the day to do the MAN work. A woman in the bay next to me smiled and I followed her inside, feeling uncomfortable.

She was reading a Tamera Alexander book. Had to be an angel. “You know when you get older, you don’t have to worry about that as much,” she said.

“I hate these places. I don’t know enough about cars but I don’t care enough to find out.” I sighed and we chatted about books.

He opened the door. “Did you know your inspection sticker is expired?”

“No.”

“Is something wrong with your car?”

“Other than the light with the tooth—” I caught myself. I already felt like an idiot. “No.”

“You haven’t had one since 2007.”

Have them check your oil and radiator and nothing else!

“Inspect it.”

The reader next to me whispered, “They always want to do something more than what you tell them.”

As if he heard her, he came back inside. “Waa-waa, waa, waaa, waaa. If you’ll come outside I can show you where the waa waaa waaa waaa is.”

As I followed him out, the angel said, “I’ll pray for you.”

In the bay area, a woman stood with the tobacco man, the same look on her face as mine. Smiling on the outside, screaming on the inside.

“Yeah, see this waaa waaa waaa can be fixed. We can’t charge you, but I mean I can do it. They’re only about six bucks a piece. That’s what I’d charge you.”

My stomach knotted. A side job?

Have them change the oil and check the radiator and that’s all!

“Um…Hold on.” I pulled out my phone.

“What’s going on, Jess, I’m in a meeting?”

“This man said some of my thingys are missing and one’s broken.”

“What thingys?” I heard the impatience growing. I wanted to scream, I didn’t.

“Black rubber do-hickeys, I don’t know! This isn’t my forte, Tim!” I looked at my new iPhone cradled in its white candy shell coating and then at the filthy man before me.

Crap.  “Could you talk to my husband?”

“Sure.” His smug grin made me wish I’d have bumped him a little harder.

“Waaaa Waaa Waaa Waaaa…Yeah…well, waa waaa waa waa waaa waaa.” He laughs. Leave it to my husband to say something witty and bright. “Yeah, man. It’s good. No problem.”

He handed me the phone.

I stared at it, praying my husband had nothing more to say and had hung up, and I’d have time to wipe dude’s sweat off my touchscreen before using it again.

No luck. Crap.

 I placed the phone, smudged with grease and his rough morning’s work, to my ear. “Hello?”

“It’s handled.”

About fifteen minutes later, I pulled out of the lot and was home-free. Later that afternoon, when it was time to pull forward in the car rider line, I threw my van in gear and accelerated.

I went nowhere.

“That freaking, idiot! AAAAAH!” I pounded the wheel with my fist, panicked, and glanced behind me in the rearview mirror, waiting for the car behind me to honk, as if I didn’t know I needed to go.

I went to punch the hazard button on my van. I saw the dashboard.

I was in neutral.

Oh.

Question: Any crazy things happen to you lately?
Happy Weekend to ya’ll!

22 thoughts on “So I Ran Over a Guy…So What?

  1. Very funny. Scary oil change dudes freak me out too. I'm smart, but I'm still blonde. I get my license in 3 months and I still have a really bad problem of mixing up the break and the gas. D:

     
     
  2. I'm with you Jess…hate oil change places! Hate car places! Oh, and I was just moaning to my hubby that the college kids at the grocery store bumped into me yesterday with an "excuse me, ma'am"…you just made me feel so much better about that:)

     
     
  3. This is full of awesome! From the hitting, to the hitting on you! 😀

    Hmm. Crazy. My life is full of crazy. My 4yo has battle wounds all over her body from running into the ground when she took a dive into it.
    ~ Wendy

     
     
  4. Anonymous

    Great start to my morning. Funny and entertaining as usual. So you!-Celeste

     
     
  5. So, I'm sitting at my desk at work doing this silent laughter thing that probably makes me look like I'm having a seizure. So hilarious!! I love the toothbrush floating in the water…

    Recently, I got my oil changed at one of those Jiffy Lube-type places instead of my usual place where I know the guys by name. (Pat and Skip, they're my heroes.) Anyway, so at the Jiffy, I'm in the waiting area and this dude comes in, holding a car part and asks if I have any allergies. Momentary confusion 'cause I thought I was at the Jiffy Lube, not the doctor. But I say no and he says good thing because my air filter is a mess. He tells me I should get it changed and quotes a price and though I know nothing about these things, it seems high. I tell him no thanks. He says, Honey, do you have breathing problems? No. Do you have asthma? No. Do you find yourself wheezing? Seriously, no! Really, I'm fine. So he goes all downcast, tosses the part in the trash and says, "Fine. But if you're not going to replace it, you're better off without it." Uh…

    Turns out, the aspiring-doctor-mechanic was right – my car is perfectly drivable without an air filter. Still, when I DO replace it before winter, it'll be Pat and Skip doing the work, that's for sure…

     
     
  6. Too funny. I totally relate. I'd rather be at Macy's! Thanks for the morning giggle.

    ~Cat

     
     
  7. Don't we all just love our hubbies SOOOOOOO much at times!

    I take my van in all the time for oil changes as hubby never has time. Never have I been hit on there, though. I think I'd never go back if I were! Hubby better pray that never happens or he'll have to MAKE time!

    This was awesome, Jessica!!

     
     
  8. If there is anything that paralyzes me then makes me scream and run in the opposite direction, it's car issues. Ask my husband. I've begged–begged!!–him to handle even the smallest issues because it is too stressful for me!

     
     
  9. Morning, everyone!

    Jessica: I don't think the men scared me, one of them could have been my brother! lol I think it's the fact I know nothing and they know I know nothing! Well, I've had my license a loooong time, and I still have trouble with the gas and backing up! 😉 Good luck on your test! Come back and tell me how you did!

    Susan: Yeah, I'm not feeling the whole Ma'am thing. Although, living in the south, it's kind of mandatory I think. lol

    Wendy: It's nice to know it's not just my life full of crazy! Poor 4 yr. old! Lots of boo-boos to kiss!

    Celeste: Don't tell Rob! It's one more thing for him to hound me about. 🙂

    Melissa: That is hilarious! Guess there was more on the diagnostic machine than your car! Oh that's rich! I'm still crackin up.

    Cat: You're welcome! I'd rather be at Macy's too. Let's all go!

     
     
  10. Eileen: Ugh, that's a whole other blog post, I tell ya! Ha! From now on, he'll be going. 🙂

    Jill: Hey! Good to see you! I know. Usually he handles it all, but this one time…
    The lady I was chatting with, the older woman, she said, "You know, sweetie, I know you don't like coming in here and I never did either, but my husband told me that I need to learn these things because he may not always be around." True and yet sad. I don't want to think about him not being there to do the stuff that stresses me out!

     
     
  11. Very funny, Jessica!

    I'm lucky, I have an awesome mechanic, service tech, and team over at Ford Service. I've had these guys for years and they take good care of me…no sweaty stuff on my phone.

    Great story!

     
     
  12. Funny story, Jessica! At least the mechanic had a sense of humor about the potential vehicular manslaughter mishap. As for the other guy calling you ma'am, don't worry about it. He was just being polite. I got called "ma'am" all the time when I was in Oklahoma. I think either it's because of the region of the country, or because I'm so intimidatingly tall, lol.

     
     
  13. Girl, you never cease to make me laugh. 🙂 I took a mechanics class in high school (homeschooled) and it has definitely helped. At least I sort of know what the waawaa waa is. Usually. Sometimes. Okay, almost never, but it helps. heehee!! 🙂

     
     
  14. I'm sorry, but I'm laughing so hard at this. Funniest blog of the week by far. I absolutely hate taking the Jeep to get it serviced, but I'm always the one to do it. My hubby can never remember things like that.

     
     
  15. Eeeew, the car. I've had a blinker out for a week and a half because neither my honey OR I are "car people." Ugh.

    It's great to finally meet you, Jessica…You and I have been in several #FF lists together.

    p.s. @jhansenwrites

     
     
  16. OMG, Jess (may I call you that?) – I can relate with you on so many levels here….You are not alone!

     
     
  17. Glad you guys got a kick and can relate! Us women go through it, don't we? LOL

    Jenny, so nice to meet you too! I'll have to come follow you on Twitter. 🙂

    Tiffany, of course you can! 🙂

     
     
  18. You're hillarious, Jessica! This gave me a good 'ol laugh today. Thanks for the smile!

    -Lizzie

     
     
  19. Funny!! I'm grateful my hubby handles the maintenance on my car because like you, all I hear is waa waa waa when men start talking car stuff. 🙂

     
     
  20. Hahahaha lucky you had a husband who could sort it out for you.

    My crazy car story is about how my car's radiator blew up because someone stole my parking spot.

    If I had a gun, I would have shot him.

     
     
  21. Waa waa, waa waa waa – oh wait, what was that you were saying?

    🙂

    I, the daughter of a mechanic, know a little something about cars, but the men in my life never – and I mean NEVER – take me seriously when I tell them something is wrong.

    Until it happens to them.

    With three cars that are all more than 14 years old, I have a LOT of crazy stories…

     
     
  22. I laughed at the ma'am comment because I have heard that so many times before. I am on the male side of this, so I will not be addressing any on the mechanical stuff, just the word "ma'am."

    I am one of those men who uses the word ma'am when I speak to women. Especially when in a service capacity. I have noticed that many women seems to be taken aback or even insulted because I used that word. It is not used to imply any sort of thought about the age of the person I am talking to. It is simply a term of respect directed to a woman regardless of age. I am 40 and have called teenagers ma'am at work. When I speak to a man, I use the term sir. This is used regardless of his age.

    So, please, give these poor guys a break. When they use that word, just recognize it as good manners and do not read anything else into it. We already have to contend with whether it is polite or condescending to pick up the check on a date, open a door for a lady, or pull her chair out. Please don't take away the polite words our parents taught us as well.

     
     

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